Tuesday, March 01, 2016,12:34 AM
Mosul is in my heart. and in my heart it will be kept safe.
firstly on my early days in blogging i were writing about politics. i wrote many of my opinions that were proven to be incorrect and many of my thoughts that were changed in respond to my whole life events.

 For example; I regret writing badly about Sadam because for me as 26 Iraqi person: i never knew a president before him nor a person worth to hold the term( President) followed after Sadam.

 I regret my appeal for American soldiers to leave Iraq since those came after from Shia's sectarian Army, SWAT and ISIS were worse and worse and worse.

I regret cursing my life when i had family, home, and Jobe ! And most of all;

i regret not leaving Iraq earlier by my choice not like the way i fled; frighten, sacrificing and completly lost !

 I promised not to write again about politics but after all, i must change my mind temporary and writing about politics,hoping this won't cost me my life ! i will write about what are hidden from news that people around the world don't know. things that are going on in Mosul that no body hear of!

 The ISIS Attack to Syria took a wide, extensive area in the media and Mosul's attack took a little! i feel shocked when i met people here in Jordan don't have an Idea that ISIS really attack Mosul!! yes i am serious. many of them don't know that.

I am an example of people who give up listening to news 10 years ago but after the events in 2014 i felt i have to know everything and in urgent! but that's didn't work. it seems that no body is understanding what is going on. the whole things goes as scenario of a pre-drawn plan to divide Iraq! or to erase Mosul from map maybe!

 The first crimes of ISIS in Mosul was exploding many of BOTH churches AND Mosques. exploding historical monuments followed after.The militarian aviation from the other side are shelling large building of the government and universities in their believe that ISIS's soldiers are living their.

what's really happen is that many shelling killed many inoscent Mosul's residents and that ISIS knows prior to the begin of the shelling the possibility of being hit and so they leave the areas!

In addition to all that; Mosul's dam are now subject to collapse !  Mosul residents are now between the devil (ISIS) and the deep blue river crises .

Mosul's residence who didn't fled are divided into groups:

1- Those didn't fled because they were ill or elderly ( yes; for me as a person who fled Mosul: we all had to leave the car somewhere and walk on our feet for a large distance and i was lucky that i didn't slept on the streets like some)

2- Those who didn't believe that NO ACTION will be made. The country of neanderthal? Sumerian and Asur's culture don't have army to stand against few hundreds of extraneous terrorist group!

*the most painful point is that sectarian's army that ran from Mosul with the first few hours from the attack were paid monies enough to raise a state budget*

3- Those that their love to Mosul stand against their fears ( Die with Dignity take over the humiliating life). As a Moslawi refugee i can tell : yes it's humiliating to have no country!

 Those three groups are now suffering from not only the absence of water most of the days but also from the lack of salary income and shortage of some food stuff and the absence of other except those locally manufactured.

Those groups of people are stuck in the hell that was ignited one and a half year ago. They can't go out of Mosul nor anyone can send helping stuffs or money to them. we can't call them! nor can hear their real stories on the internet social media as I heard that ISIS impose severe control on the internet connection and those who wrote against ISIS were executed.

 In the end of this post; all what i have left to say is a quote from a poet:

" I was exiled from my coountry and the strangers settled instead And destroyed all my beloved things"

posted by Hadia ( pseudoname)
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Monday, February 15, 2016,3:41 PM
"when i was just a little girl i asked my mother what will i be? will i be pretty! will i be rich !" Is this what all matter? "Will i be pretty?" what a victory ha! this is what i called !stupid inocient !" pretty refugee; holding her daughter in one hand and in the other holding her pharmacy licence .. walking in the street of Amman like a missing annonymous. I am moving with my parents from one flat to another; trying to find something they called " comfort" and " home". I am counting days down to the time i can define my future plans . I Hardly can see my husband; i am suffering from his being far away from us and not in a safe place as well. Ramtha is where he works is located near borderline of syria. I hardly find time to write a new post. i am busy with my daughter; she had three new teeth this week!!! and she loves to start walking; she is moving few steps and then falling apart. I feel lonly with my inner thoughts. what a world! i never think that life will go this far with me! i i am giving my best after all. i am trying everything. knocking every doors infront of me to get ride from this EMPTY hole! I registered in UNHCR I applied for humanitarian immigration to Australia. i applied for diversity visas. i will be very glad if anyone just can help me with a thoughts! opinions maybe . I need a miracle to get out of here..
posted by Hadia ( pseudoname)
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Wednesday, February 10, 2016,2:18 PM
save my soul
"Sometimes you don't want to know the end,because how could the end be happy? how could you as a person turn back to the one you was when so much bad had happened!! how could I laugh again when I gave up smilling for months! How could I start a life when my own one was taken off by an ISIS in a sudden?! How could I stand up on my feet again when everything I was working for: my license as a pharmacist, my car , my pharmacy and my small apartment went with our lost's Mosul ? how could I live "motherhood" with a Mom living under the ISIS abuse! How  could I give my expected baby a "life" from a died soul ! How could I gave her "peace" when I was living my fears ! And how could I be her home when I don't have a home ! yes, i was so afraid. I was feeling so empty inside when in fact I had a " baby girl" inside !! But in the other hand I was busy counting days down and waiting . I was waithing for a change since I was in the middle of dead sea and things no matter how bad they goes; they can't be worse. In the middle of that dark and long nights; my parents with my old, sick grandmother successfully ran away from the occupied Mosul and came to Jordan through a very dangerous road. My parents being next beside me helped me so much but not enough to complete my pregnancy period.When I was on my 36 week of pregnancy, "Dima" my daughter was born through caesarean section on 21 of January 2015.I felt so blessed to have her safe as I have been told before the surgery that I lost the baby. She was 1900 Gr(4 pound) in weight , she looked tiny and weak but luckily was healthy. Raising her up to this day was so much hard because of turbulent situations we have passed through as my sick grandmother died after struggling parkinsonism for years. Nowaday , I'm living with my daughter and my parents in Amman / Jordan away from my husband "Hasan" who had to move to "Ramtha" far in the north where is the only place to have a chance to work because of liecence issues.As I have told you in my previous posts, we proposed a request to the united nations (UNHCR) to seek asylum . We are refugees in Jordan since July 2014,since when our case didn't proceed any step.Waiting the case to reach resettlement stage seems like waiting forever. The little salary of my husband and the indefinite future we could give to our daughter put us in a terrible emotional situation. I am almost not sleeping , I can't stop thinking . There are that empty holes inside , the inferior feeling that I can't give my daughter the future that every human deserve . I don't want her life to be a copy _paste of my old scary life memories .                                                               I MUST DO SOMETHING!! Turn the page ! no that won't be enough.. I shall change the book , the writer , the editor and just keep the charecter (no body can be the heroes of the other's life). I sale 25 years of my life to buy peace , being a refugee guarantees this for me but resettlement in another country is the only way to start a new peaceful life . There is no clear view about how long the resettlement will take , I can't build my life here in jordan as being non-jordanian make you rightsless, you can't get legal job lieceince or drive liecence , the only thing that Jordan offer to help you is to vaccinate your baby for free. Thinking about illegal immigration seems like suicide for me , of course it is not worse than waiting this long-term resettlement but it will be my last choice since I can't ever put my daughter in that shoes or let's say a boat! So illegal immigration .....................................had been cancelled. Our case in UNHCR.................................... on pending since one and a half year. Community proposal pilot to australia ........who will sponsor us? how can i get an approved proposing organizations?                                                          SO WHAT TO DO?! Any reader , focus with me please ! i do really need your help , give me your recommendations to solve my situations , let my voice be heared by media ,share this post with your friends , connect me to any organizations that can support me . e-mail me on :hnk1989@gmail.com. And just keep praying.... 
posted by Hadia ( pseudoname)
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010,4:26 AM
سأقيل قلبي
داهنتُ كل جراح قلبـي للهوى

قد آن أن تخبو الجـراحُ وتخـدرا

و قبرت أحلامـي لأجـل محبـة ٍ

بل إنّ ذاتي أوشكـتْ أن تُقبـرا

أنكرتُ ذاتي في الغـرام وبعدهـا

كان الجزاء بأنْ أُصدَّ و أّنكَـرا
posted by Hadia ( pseudoname)
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Sunday, November 29, 2009,3:43 AM
أخشي علي الامل الصغير بان يموت ..ويختنق
يوما أراه نهايتي ..
يوما أرى
فيه الحياة

آه من الجرح الذي
يوما ستؤلمني ..يداه

آه من الأمل الذي
ما زلت أحيا في صداه

سيبلغ منتهاه

فاروق جويده

posted by Hadia ( pseudoname)
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Sunday, September 13, 2009,4:34 AM
فاروق جويدة
هل أن للحلم المسافر
ان يكف عن الدوار...!!

يا سندباد العصر... أرجع!
أرجع فأن الأرض شاخت
والسنين الخضر يأكلها البوار
posted by Hadia ( pseudoname)
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Thursday, September 03, 2009,8:03 AM
أريد وأريد و أريد وتنعدم الأراده
أريد في هذه الحياة ان أكون فيها عالما !!
أن أكون فيها رسامة !!
عازفة كمان !!
وان اكون فيها من بعد كل ذلك, أنا !
وان اكون فيها راضيه بما أنا !
وأحب من انا!
ومحبة لمن يحب من أنا!
وان يكون لي أنا!
لي انا ... لي انا
posted by Hadia ( pseudoname)
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